fbpx Skip to main content
Real-Stories

From The Heart Series #1

By June 23, 2020March 2nd, 2021No Comments

The Beginning

 

Marriage & Enjoying life

“So, we are really going to do this?”

“Yes, we really are!”

I remember the feeling of excitement I felt in those first few weeks after having the baby talk! Blissfully unaware of the journey that lay ahead of us. I guess I had that romantic notion that girl meets boy, girl marries boy, girl and boy have a baby!

Well, no – not always! After spending my early youth telling my body NOT to get pregnant, I somehow miraculously thought, Ok, body I am ready now, let us have a baby!

Mark and I married in 2007 surrounded by our amazing family and friends. This was followed by our honeymoon period, where we said, let’s enjoy married life and each other as we had plenty of time.

The Talk

Roll on four years (in between this we casually talked about starting a family and stopped using protection), and we had the ‘proper’ baby talk. Although, thinking back now, I had this overwhelming feeling in my stomach that something was not right.

Trying, came & went

First, I was flooded with feelings of excitement and optimism. I start dreaming of the gender of the baby to be, would it be a boy or a girl? Visions of what the nursery would look like. Scouring Pinterest for inspiration and ideas! As months went by, I became consumed in this new world of fertility, that I never knew existed! I felt I was a well educated female but suddenly realising I didn’t know when I ovulated, what to look out for, what my cervical mucus was telling me or how many fertile days a woman really had or actually understanding that there was only a small window of opportunity each month to actually get pregnant.

Nothing

Over the months, then years this excitement turned into disappointment. Test after test showing a blank space- negative. Feeling exhausted, frustrated, and lonely. Each month was more discouraging than the last. Lying on the bedroom floor bawling so hard I can’t breathe, after discovering another negative test. Hard tears falling each month, wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Turning to Mark and wondering, would he leave me? He was my rock and I his. But somewhere those negative thoughts creep in. Although trying to conceive tested our relationship in ways I never knew it could, we were strong. We kept each other going, picked each other up and each year we would whisper too each other this is ‘OUR’ year.

Other babies/ friends’ babies

During this time, I felt like I was wearing a mask. Happy on the outside yet inside my heart was aching. My brave face and armour were my protection. Do not let that WALL come down was my mantra. I was not jealous as friends started having babies long before us, but there was always a pang of anger asking when our turn is. At this point I was not talking to friends or family. Shutting them out and not giving them a chance to support me- because I did not even explain what was going on Getting angrier each day and at times lashing out. On a continuous and never-ending emotional rollercoaster.

Getting Help

White walls, tall windows overlooking Dublin city, here we are sitting in the fertility clinic. The walls are strewn with hopeful baby pictures. Mark and I keep looking at each other. Nervous, scared, and excited. The same excitement we had when we had ‘the baby talk’. Although this excitement was different, we felt hopeful. We were asking for help; we were going to get answers to all that unknown.

0
    Your Cart
    Your cart is emptyReturn to Shop
      Calculate Shipping
      Apply Coupon
      Available Coupons
      alex10 Get  10.00 off Alex O'Connor Essex Fertility
      arr10 Get 10% off Association of Reproductive Reflexologists Discount Code
      avocado10 Get 10% off Avocado Fertility
      bethan10 Get 10% off Divine Blossom
      bnh10 Get 10% off Caroline Spindlow
      efp10 Get 10% off Enhanced Fertility Programme
      egn10 Get 10% off Eleanor Gordon Nutrition
      eleanorgordon20 Get 20% off Eleanor Gordon Discount Code 20%
      evah10 Get 10% off Log House Clinic
      fertifa20 Get 20% off
      fertilelife10 Get 10% off Cindy Charles
      fertilitysuite10 Get 10% off Rachel Sherriff
      free shipping Get  0.00 off
      ilana10 Get 10% off Acupuncture By Ilana
      innerlight10 Get 10% off Deirdre Souchere
      ivfbabble20 Get 20% off
      Unavailable Coupons
      biomeday20 Get 20% off World Microbiome Day Promotional Code for 3 months supply
      biomeday20 Get 20% off World Microbiome Day 2022
      fertilnat10 Get 10% off Fertilidade Natural Discount Code
      freeshipping Get 100% off
      Ovulation Calculator