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From The Heart Series – Anonymous

By August 26, 2020March 2nd, 2021No Comments

The truth is….it’s not that easy to fall pregnant!

I’d been on the pill since I was 16, having been prescribed it initially as a cure for my acne; I didn’t come off it until I was 31.

I moved back to my home country at the age of 30 along with my husband, having lived abroad for 8 years. The plan was to be closer to our parents when our future children were born.

I’m now 38, have moved country yet again and still don’t have those children I imagined I would have by now.

Soon after returning home and after months of trying to conceive, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).

After many months of injecting myself in my stomach, long afternoons spent at the gynaecologist waiting for my yet again late appointment, anxious because I was away from work AGAIN and running out of excuses to tell my male boss, my body was ready for the ‘perfect ovulation’. I, meanwhile, was ready for this all to be over with and to fall pregnant once and for all.

My husband’s little swimmers were to be inserted via artificial insemination – a more affordable and, according to the figures, pretty successful alternative to IVF.

I picked that little container of sperm, keeping them warm inside my bra, and drove across to the clinic to be ‘turkey-blasted’!

Never in my life had I imagined a day like this would be happening to me!

Job done. Now all we had to do was wait, which is easier said than done. The days dragged on as we sat waiting to find out whether it had been a success or not.

My period did not arrive. The tests, however, continued to be negative.

Confused and despondent, I booked to see my gynae, who, despite being one of the top doctors, was just as puzzled as I was. My body felt different: I was certain I was pregnant, but the following month my period returned, and, alas, we were back to square one.

Emotionally drained and frustrated, I did not want to go through it all again. Cracks were starting to form in our relationship, and both my husband and I were feeling the negative impact of such an emotional journey.

Months later, having heard promising success stories from other women, I embarked on a more natural journey to try and conceive. I started seeing a homeopath, meeting every two weeks for acupuncture, and taking my natural medication (or ‘drops of sugar water’, as my husband would say).

Full disclosure: he was very ‘anti’ this route and, as a result, I never received the support I needed. Despite it being a time in our lives when we should have been connected, we were more distant than ever.

I ended up turning to another male for support, which developed into a very intense emotional and (subsequently) physical affair – until we were caught.

Five years on, after on-going counselling and hard work, my husband and I are finally over the trauma of the last few years, and we are hoping that through our healthier lifestyles and positive attitudes, we will eventually become parents.

Anonymous, Nua Fertility Community member, August 2020

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